It has been unusual for Rexburg as the weather has shown little signs of change with the few flakes of snow drifting through the breeze and you consider yourself lucky as it caresses your cheek. The horizon is covered by mountains where I've never been, plains I've never crossed, and roads unexplored and yet, here I am, sitting today on my couch which is finally broken-in from it's rugged appearance. Perhaps it was the beating I gave it when it first arrived as I attempted to temper the cushions to be barely comfortable for a nap in between classes. Then, one must consider the added luxury that the windows in my apartment don't shut entirely and I often become distracted as the blinds oscillate behind the Christmas tree still up from Christmas last year, decorated in St. Patrick's day decorations with a hat atop where the angel would stand. This place is uncomfortable.
Nowadays I wonder how I've come to be where I am. Events and chance having brought me to a place I never imagined or which I had hoped. I've been here now for a year and a half constantly wondering if this has all been worth it, arguing with myself to realize some change. There are blessings though. The school nearby in which all but one of my classes are fortunately located, avoiding the struggle of traversing my campus as colleagues of mine dash out the door. I'll be graduating in July, one more semester than I thought as the faculty again spoils my plans. No matter my place, they are my constant opposition. The sadists who detract from creativity and ambition. For me, they are my Brutis.
Lights flicker and my feet are cold, not from the temperature but from the feeling of having to endure the trails which await. It's not often that you truly believe in pure enemies as from the novels of the past, a ruthless antagonist who attempts to bring you to your knees each day, but we find opposition in our lives from those who believe that we are weak or those that are prejudice against change and I am not unique in this. I get the feeling that I am an expanding spirit trapped in a cage of resentment that rages against the faulty foundation. The supposed regimen of education is a nuisance, a cloud which attempts to encourage focus by blinding your eyes to possibility. The creative masters sought for enlightenment, to transcend the boundaries of man, and bring to Earth those gifts from the heavens, the masterpieces of life.
James Allen, a masterful commentator on the passions and virtues of life and the free, thinking man rightfully states how we develop in this world. We constantly overcome our naive nature and elevate ourselves with thought and action and we bring ourselves to the houses in which we live. For those who are struggling in their lives, perhaps it is time to challenge ourselves in our work, to progress past our expectations and to fundamentally change our modes of thought. If we can ever change ourselves, it is only by changing the way we think, the way we feel and the way we believe. As I've previously written:
Life is full of change. Every moment of everyday there are a multitude of events that are happening around and within us. We feel their influence, we feel the wear, and we feel the slow effects that occur in our eyes. These changes in how we see the world are sometimes clouded by our own pessimism, the overwhelming feeling that we cannot keep up with our obligations, the tasks at hand, or the unforeseeable future. The plagues of doubt hinder our ability to enjoy the blessing that we are given daily, but if we're lucky, and if we trust enough in the things which we already know, we might just catch a glimpse of the things which are truly remarkable. Though it might not be obvious at the time and we may have to squint our eyes just a bit, if we look at the world with eyes of imagination, wonder, and awe, we will begin to see that wonders of the universe. We will begin to find our way to where we need to be. We age everyday and before we know it those juvenile pleasures change into mature decision, contemplation, and sometimes even worry. Yet, in the midst of our business, our work, or our moments of pure fatigue, we are able to look at the world and rejoice;colors will begin to take their shape, the day becomes a lasting memory, and we move on.
Unusual for Rexburg, unusual for myself. Perhaps, on occasion, uncomfortable is a good thing.
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